|What part of a football pitch smells nicest ?|
The scenter spot !
|Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space ?|
Because there is no atmosphere !
|What's the chilliest ground in the premiership ?|
Cold Trafford !
|How did the football pitch end up as triangle ?|
Somebody took a corner !
|What does a footballer and a magician have in common ?|
Both do hat tricks !
|Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ?|
All of them, a crossbar can't jump !
|Why are football players never asked for dinner ?|
Because they're always dribbling !
|Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ?|
Because he liked sole music !
|What tea do footballers drink ?|
|Where do footballers dance ?|
At a football !
|What did the bumble bee striker say ?|
Hive scored !
|What is black and white and black and white and black and white ?|
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill !
|What are Brazilian fans called ?|
Brazil nuts !
|Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?|
He was the skipper !
|What lights up a football stadium ?|
A football match !
|If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls ?|
|Which football team loves ice-cream ?|
Aston Vanilla !
|What is a goal keepers favourite snack ?|
Beans on post !
|How do hens encourage their football teams ?|
They egg them on !
|Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches ?|
They prefer cricket matches !
|Why did the chicken get sent off ?|
For persistent fowl play !
|Why didn't the dog want to play football ?|
It was a boxer !
|Which insect didn't play well in goal ?|
The fumble bee !
|Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ?|
Webley stadium !
|When fish play football, who is the captain ?|
The team's kipper !
|Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market ?|
They tend to go cheep !
|How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?|
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !
|Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats ?|
They might be cheetahs !